This has become a primary concern. We
have decided to emphasize the 'apart' in apartment. The floor is
apart; the cabinets will be coming apart; kitchen drawers come out
when they feel like it; baseboards are also apart.
It was an idyllic day, or so we
thought. Lazing in our retroment and thinking of our next
cocktail/happy hour.
The reverie found competition from
sounds in the hallway. This was not particularly unusual since in
the past twelve months our balcony had been closed for building-wide
repairs and the hallway had been dismantled because of several
obscure reasons dealing with firecodes and fear of boomerang
pushback. However as we left the safety of our bedroom we were in
denial as we thought that sea level rise had made its ugly appearance
a bit early.
Not quite the crimson tsunami of The
Shining but definitely a laminar flow itching to become turbulent was
proceeding along our small entrance hallway and eagerly seeking the
living room.
“All hands on deck!” “Swab like
your life depends on it!”...and other epithets echoed from our crew
of two. Towels, robes, terrycloth cabana items were frantically
thrown into the making of a temporary dam. But wait...there are two
doors into the apartment from the hallway. Oh no! “Damn the dam and
head for the kitchen!”
Opening the hallway door to check on
the madness out there only gave the water better access. Who knew
that dust-bunnies could surf?
Equipment not seen since The Empire
Strikes Back began to appear as the troops bravely staunched and
sopped. In our place we kept sneaking look's for Mickey/The
Sorcerer's Apprentice.
Eventually the hallway pipe had been
throttled. A plethora of trash buckets of water were now heading into
Biscayne Bay, courtesy of #207. Four apartments took the brunt with
the hallway beckoning the White Whale.
So the good news is that sea level rise
has not accelerated but we think our insurance rates will.
As we have all come to realize, no one
is responsible for anything in 2016. Floods happen.
So began the battle. Now, we have to
say, we stand behind our staff here in the building (especially when
they are in action) and that the hallway perpetrators were a company
that was hired to deal with code irregularities and update existing
configurations...ahem.
The next day our building manager came
to our place to interview us and survey the damage. He brought with
him a contractor who coincidentally worked for the water mitigation
group associated with our hallway workers. This has led to a
veritable parade of concerned professionals whose concern is evident
upon entering but not even as redolent as burnt toast upon the
morrow.
We have, soon to be had, laminate
flooring in our place. It was very durable and we liked the way it
looked. Water has a way of exploring.
For three days of unrelenting cacophony,
humidifiers, who were the illegitimate children of Zambonis, reigned
rampant in our little love nest. The curling began in two days. Gini
tripped on one of the edges on the third day. With the removal of the
water vapor eaters it only took a few more days before black stuff
seeped through the seams. Squishing became ambiance.
The parade continued with experts. More
hand held devices were whipped out and activated than all the
Klingon/Borg/Romulan/Federation confrontations combined. Conclusion:
“It's wet in here!”
So who is responsible? Oops, sorry!
Judgment Tourettes unchecked there. I will try and do better.
Meanwhile, the black stuff continues to
ooze as we pondered and waited. By the fourth contractor the advice
of taking up the floor echoed. So I take up the floor by the hallway,
in the closets, the kitchen and some of the dining room. Phone calls
to the hand-held device wielders encouraged us that the mold reports
were forthcoming (hack,hack...cough). A little more than a week after
wielding and activation we are consoled that mold levels are
“elevated” but not bubonic-like. Boy, that's a relief. But
another “however”, the mold-clause in our homeowner's allows for
mold removal regardless of mold concupiscence of any kind. Oh, btw,
that means we tear apart your kitchen cabinets, baseboards, closet
doors and neatly pile them in your living room for you to do with as
you wish. We'll even “fix” them so you can put them back some
day.
And then the moldman advance troop
appeared. Confidently he proceeded with assuaging and mollifying as
he wielded and pivoted...Was the floor torn up like this when the
original measurements were taken? No. ...I am so sorry, mold
perturbation is a serious issue. Were you hermetically sealed along
with the affected region during de-flooring? This omission, I
discover, is the equivalent of making our entire apartment a
veritable Plato's Retreat for fungus. Fear of further wielding and
pivoting lurks; the master air conditioning unit must be expurgated.
Very small people need to be recruited and injected into our intake
vents with swabs (wielding ensues).
As of this writing we have looked upon
the event as an excuse to remodel the “apart”ment with the help
of a line of credit and maybe even some insurance money. Oh yeah,
porcelain tile is on the list.
