Love That Carbonara

Greetings:

TV Guide actually outranked National Geographic in my childhood home. I do not remember seeing even a single issue of the latter strewn on any coffee or end table. Perhaps the au natural joie de vivre of the dancers from the Dark Continent were thought to be an intimidating temptation no Catholic-raised boy could resist without incident.

Nevertheless, there was an exalted aura to that little media magazine. A critic named Cleveland Amory would write a weekly review of some trending show (wait we didn't trend, we had 'fads' and 'hit series'). Every once in a while,

though, Mr. Amory's column would be supplanted by other literary genre such as a cooking recipe.

On one such occasion I espied a recipe for 'Spaghetti Carbonara'. ...I did not know much of the world then...it was a simpler time...little did I know that I knew so little about the pedigree of this dish. Had I been more aware I would have avoided the nagging existential choice of cream or no cream.

TV Guide not only advocated cream but also required the schmoozing of bacon grease with more respectable ingredients. Within a few short years this grease was rejected for the bounder that it was and nothing more was said of it again.

It would be with similar disdain that a modern Italian chef would rain on me for my continuous use of this despoiler (“Out, damn'd cream! Out, I say!”).

So now that I stand culinarily exposed before you, I will describe this proletarian pasta indulgence and you can do with it as you will.

Decades of requests for this dish and subsequent digestive onomatopoeia (love those four vowels in a row) have created a pseudo legitimacy and desirability of my carbonara. It was requested for our son and daughter-in-law's wedding; it gave Gini a well-rewarded night off from cooking; it generated molto requests for its construction.

To prepare for this certain expected and some choice components need to be assembled.

A pound of fresh linguine (I recommend 'Mr. Pasta''s in Miami Beach – your own if possible)

A half pound of bacon (the cognoscenti are grumbling at this point since pancetta would be their choice and guanciale for most of those who have not read this far)

Three eggs (fresh, fresh, fresh)

A cup of grated cheese (Yes, grate it yourself, parmiaggiano-regiano or pecorino or half cup of each)

A teaspoon of black pepper (freshly ground)

Cream (Did I say that? (Heavy or whipped will do)(Usually a bit less than a cup but you decide)

The complete recipe includes:

Yes, that would be shaken, not stirred.

As you have probably assumed there is a significant amount of grating and grinding involved. Get your bacon going first and then proceed to the grating and grinding. Should you go the pancetta or guanciale route you can wait a bit longer.

Crack ice, place in shaker, count to two for every interested party while pouring your favorite gin (Bombay would be ours) and acquaint the shaker with dry vermouth. Run some olives through with something a little more creative than a toothpick and pour over ice for the majority and straight up for the purists.

As you serve these frigid phenomena also hand out the pepper mill and that block of cheese and grater. It should be quite festive at this point but keep an eye on that bacon.

Start boiling your water and set aside a colander in the sink. Timing is going to be crucial. Get to know the people in your kitchen a bit better at this point but avoid religion and politics. Beat three eggs with a fork, add the cup of cheese as you continue beating and the cream. Gather the cooked bacon in paper towels and crumble. Briefly cook pancetta or guanciale and reduce to small pieces if you are going that route.

As the water reaches a boil throw in some kosher salt. If you have real fresh pasta you are limited to less than a minute to prepare for the chemistry that needs to happen.

You are essentially trying to cook the eggs with the hot pasta. Too much heat curdles/scrambles the eggs. Drain the pasta into the colander and quickly throw it back into the pot. Begin to pour the egg/cheese/cream mixture into it. Using a large fork and spoon, lift clumps of pasta through the mixture and coat as much of it as you can – like all of it. Do not do this over an electric burner that was turned off recently – curdle city. Throw in the bacon, mix, and sprinkle the ground pepper. People should, at this point, be scrambling for plates, silverware and wine glasses. Chianti will do just fine. Caesar salad would have been a nice request for those wishing to bring something.

As for the cream...Mangia bene, ridi spesso, ama molto...Buon appetito.